|So yeah, the other day...
||[24 Jul 2006|10:53am]
I walk into a cafe/bar near the bedlam theatre in Edinburgh to see a friend of mine who's playing drums in some kind of weird acoustic hippie band. I spot the cutest two girls sitting with some random guy. I pulled up a chair next to them, asked if they minded. They said no, smiling shyly. The guy looked uncomfortable. I turned the chair around and sat with my back to them, watching my friend bang away on the drums like a french sex addict on a disabled nympho hooker.
He was in all fairness, good at what he did, so I sat for a while watching, chilling. Some random guy walked up and started chatting to me - I'd met him earlier in the evening, a genuinely fascinating character. An ex smackhead, he'd kicked the habit but was totally wired on some fucked up new legal shit called BZP, marketed as enjoi pills. Come to think of it, so was I.
It was all good though. The more this guy clamoured for my attention, the more my stock rose in the eyes of the chicks. They weren't saying anything, but the studied silences and the occasional subdued whisper and giggle said it all. I didn't hear what they said. I didn't have to. It was on.
The best way to open a conversation with a group of girls is to peak their curiosity, then give them a chance to open you. It's by no means the only way, but it is fucking smooth.
I turned around, and deliberately laid, on the table between the two girls, my rolling tobacco, skins and filters. I then looked up, as if noticing these two stunning ladies for the first time. I paused, held their eye contact briefly, then motioned to the tobacco.
"Do you mind if I roll?"
They jumped over each other to reassure me it was fine.
A lot of what it takes to successfully attract a woman is simply to come across as congruent and solid. You can be sweet, cocky, charming, aloof, whatever - it will fail unless you are genuinely sweet, genuinely cocky, genuinely charming, genuinely aloof, genuinely whatever. Lines are great, but they're only a spice. To become a truly attractive man you need to be good at expressing, at communication. But you have to have something to communicate. You need a sense of self. If a woman is considering you as a potential fuck, she'll test you, she'll throw shit at you. This isn't because she's a bitch, it's because she has to know you aren't fake. It's that simple. It's not even exclusively a woman thing. It's a human thing. We test people we don't know if they want us to trust them.
Small talk is a seducer's lethal weapon. If you can make small talk while sounding interesting and funny, you come across as normal. And women love to talk. Once in small talk, you can work in double entendres, cocky lines, compliments etc.. in the context of a normal conversation. Keep it light. Keep it funny if you can, but don't be afraid of serious. The most important thing is to keep the conversation moving, and keep breaking down the physical barriers that exist between you.
After about 15 minutes of chat I tell the girls off for distracting me and step away for a cigarette. I shake the guy's hand - he looks relieved. One of the girls is his girlfriend. The other girl, an extremely pretty south korean chick with a lovely body and an adorable smile gets up and invites herself along.
We're sitting outside, talking shit. I tell her she's lovely (which is true). She tells me I'm hot (which is true). I lean in and kiss her. No tongues, not yet.
I turn back to my cigarette and continue the conversation as if nothing has happened. She starts getting twitchy. I can tell she's going into girly meltdown. Next time I look over at her she leans forward and slides her tongue into my mouth. I kiss her, hard and well. I break the kiss first.
The perfect skin of her forehead creases for a fraction of a second in thought, then she looks at me.
"You're exactly what I need right now," she says.
"Cool." I say. It is cool.
After a few minutes, a friend of mine comes out, then another, then another. I get into a chat with them, all the time with my arm around the girl's waist. She shifts position, almost imperceptibly. I know where this is going. I pre-empt.
"You should go back inside, your friends will be wondering where you've been." I say.
"Yeah, yeah that's a good idea. I was just thinking that." She says. As she gets up, I don't lean in for a kiss. All I do is just for the slightest moment, hook my fingers on to hers. She looks around as she walks into the building. She smiles. She trips a little on the step.
After a while I go back to the table where they're sitting. For some reason, the guy is in a mood, although he's perfectly friendly with me. I chat for a while. He is useful - providing a petulant, sulky contrast to my cheery, flirtatious banter.
After a while, the guy decides to go. He walks off. His girlfriend stands to leave. So does the Korean girl. I stand too. I turn to the korean chick:
"where you going now?" I ask.
"Your place?" She comes back with a devilish grin.
"Cool." I reply. It is cool.
So yeah, not an unsuccessful evening. Lovely girl. It turns out she's got herself invited to one of the big showbiz parties that Edinburgh's playing host to for the fringe. Apparently this one's for Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey. She invited me along. It's in a couple of weeks. Love it.
But that's not the best thing about the whole night. The best thing was something she said to me that no other woman has ever said to me. I think a year ago if I'd heard this from a girl I'd have probably just thought it was quite nice.
Now I've got a little more of a sense of what makes women tick, I think this is monumental.
It was after we'd done all that crazy bedroom stuff on my four poster (yes, you heard me) bed, and we were sitting in my living room smoking a joint with my flatmates and a few of their friends. Seven guys, including myself, all stoned and chatting. Really cool guys. She was curled up beside me like a South Korean kitten, her head on my shoulder. She looked up at me and whispered in my ear...
"I'm happy to be your pretty face."
Wow. Just wow.
What a girl.