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Men apparently have a documented tendency to misinterpret friendliness in a woman as flirting or to exaggerate the sexuality of the flirting they encounter.
What are some good reliable indicators that a woman is flirting, rather than just being friendly? I believe the pickup community calls them IOIs. What are some of the most reliable IOIs?
I'd particularly like to hear from women, though. What do you do to signal flirtation or interest? How can a man reliably differentiate flirting from friendliness?
October 16 2006, 06:30:03 UTC 5 years ago
http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/04_S
It's generally best not to put much if any weight in what a woman says about women. They have far too much stake in the outcome to view the situation honestly. There are exceptions, but they are extremely rare. They often have the best of intentions when offering "the woman's point of view", but wow are they ever off the mark. Asking for advice about women from women has done more to set back men then anything else. A simple experiment you can do yourself is to ask almost any women for a list of the qualities her "perfect man" will have and not have. Take that list and then look at the women she actually is attracted to in real life. The list and the real men typically are completely in opposition.
Back on topic, very often a women will unconsciously begin to display IOIs often before she is even consciously aware of her own attraction/interest. Attraction/interest (and lack of such) is not a conscious process, it is not a decision we make. So to ask a women what is and what isn't an IOI when they don't even realize they are doing them is a tall order.
October 16 2006, 06:44:05 UTC 5 years ago
BTW, on this in particular... Very often a women will be flirting, will be signaling real interest...but if you actually ask them if they are, if you call them on it, they will recoil and deny. Even to the point of beliving their own denials. It's part of what is termed "ASD" or Anti-Slut Defense (the idea that she does not what others or herself thinking she is a "slut"). You can't ask them overtly, doing so breaks the rules of the game (a game and rules they created).
There really is no practical use in seperating "flirting" and "friendliness". In practice the two are interchangable. When women are intentionally giving you an IOI (note above many aren't intentional) she will often choose to do so in ways that could be easily viewed as either friendly or a flirt. If you pick up on it and flirt back in a way she likes, it was a flirt. If you don't (or you flirt badly and come off as a dumbass) she can claim she was just being friendly, not flirting (ASD again, also anti-creepy guy).
October 17 2006, 02:20:28 UTC 5 years ago
On day two of my four-day training session, I approached and teased "her" lightly about a couple of things. She hadn't noticed me before that, but on days three and four, I noticed that she wore much more makeup and went out of her way to talk to me with many of the signals you linked to. Unfortunately, it didn't seem like the right environment to escalate and isolation was impractical. Maybe that's just an excuse or remnant of social conditioning I need to get past...
October 17 2006, 07:41:57 UTC 5 years ago
But it also can be social conditioning. My range of what is an acceptable enviornment is much wider now then it used to be. At the same time it may not be for her...but if you calibrate it well that can actually be an advantage. The trick is to push her comfort zone w/o breaking it, then back off. For instance make all the indications that you're about to kiss her in a very public place like the middle of a dance floor, then don't. Take it away. Two steps forward, one step back.